


Drunk At Deadly's

by vivapinatawiki



Category: The Muppets (TV 2015), The Muppets - All Media Types
Genre: Drunken Confessions, Drunken Flirting, Drunken Kissing, F/M, Older Man/Younger Woman, POV Second Person, Sugar Daddy, Sugar Daddy Kink, sue me, yes this is a muppet porn fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-15
Updated: 2018-08-29
Packaged: 2019-06-27 17:33:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,225
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15690102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vivapinatawiki/pseuds/vivapinatawiki
Summary: You're an intern on the crew for "Up Late With Miss Piggy", and after getting drunk at a party one night, Uncle Deadly offers to take you home.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So, I've never written an x Reader before! Admittedly, a lot of myself went into the portrayal of the reader character, and I thought about using a self insert, but I wanted to make it accessible for other people, and an X Reader seemed to fit that best. This series is obscure, to be honest, Uncle Deadly being even more so. I just really, really like his character and wanted to put that affection I hold for him into some kind of writing. And I wanted to be able to share that with others in the best way I could think to!
> 
> So... a lot of this portrayal of Deadly comes from his behavior in a video the youtube account posted. This one, to be exact; https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e1z8FlHRSeA 
> 
> Especially this part;
> 
> "Don't you realize, sweet, sweet Janice that Halloween is the one day of the year where people everywhere accept ME, and admire me, instead of running away because I happen to be slightly more..."
> 
> "Monstrous?" 
> 
> "Well, I was going to say intense, but, yes I could see how some people might think I could be a little monstrous!"
> 
> Basically, I watched that, and thought... well. What if he had a bit of a complex concerning that, eh? Do people really run away from him, often? Does that make it difficult to form close bonds with people outside of The Muppets? And does his whole shtick of being purposefully scary and intense derive from that?
> 
> Perhaps I looked into this clip a little too much, but, eh. 
> 
> By the way, this chapter won't have anything explicit as of yet! For the time being, the rating will remain at Teen and Up, but that's definitely going to change when I'm finished with part two, which will be up fairly soon, from what I can tell.
> 
> Enjoy!)

Los Angeles was still so unfamiliar to you, even though you’d been working behind the scenes of The Muppets’ newest show for almost a year. But a monotonous route to and from the same place never really gave you time to formulate a proper mental map of the city; especially when most trips by public bus or taxi were spent on the phone with your employers. Tonight, however, a comfortable silence stretched on as you gazed blearily over the cab’s interior, your head rested on your chaperone, with your arm linked in his.

You couldn’t really see much _now_ ; it was dark outside, and even with the glow of street lamps illuminating the backseat in quick flashes, your face was mostly buried into his shoulder, obscuring everything from view. You felt the fabric of Deadly’s suit brushing against your cheek; it was one of those suits he favoured, patterned in navy blue shapes akin to dragon scales, and it was smoother to the touch than you had expected. The texture reminded you of those gaudy decorative cushions your mom had insisted on having in every room with a couch, patterned with dizzying shapes but comfortable, despite that fact. Your nose was filled with the scent of his woody cologne, something he applied almost in excess. It burnt your nostrils with its intensity, causing you to feel somewhat nauseous.

… No, that might have been the alcohol, actually.

The crew had been celebrating… something. An after-party, celebrating a milestone for “Up Late With Miss Piggy”? That sounded right. Piggy would have found any excuse to throw a party over an achievement like that, to make sure that she was in the spotlight the entire evening, taking credit for most of the hard effort put in by everyone else. She may have been the face of the show, but nothing would have gotten done if it weren't for the staff rushing around and maintaining this well-oiled machine. However, you weren't bitter. If there was one thing that woman could do, it was throw a party, and Piggy had invited all sorts of big names to make this night an unforgettable one. It didn’t always pay off to have this job, but sipping drinks at a bar with celebrities was definitely a perk.

In the spirit of comradery, and excitement, you’d had a little too much too quickly, never one to pass up free drinks… But you’d always had a weak stomach to the hard stuff…

_and the light stuff._

And that’s when it got difficult to make sense of your surroundings.  Thankfully, there wasn’t enough in your system to make you puke, but the dizziness had hastily set in, and you were falling asleep at the surface of the bar after your rather embarrassing attempts at flirting with your co-workers. And the bartender. And some attractive patrons that happened to sit near you whilst waiting for their own orders. You’d been single for the entirety of your internship, and emboldened by your drinking, had set about trying to change that. Some had definitely been less opposed to it than others, but many of them laughed it off, finding the suggestive advances of the usually introverted intern quite a sight to behold.

_There was one colleague in particular you’d had your eye on, and had made subtle passes at now and again, even before the party._

Deadly never reacted positively to it... but nor in fact, did he react negatively. He reacted in a way that made you very unsure where you stood with him. Flirtatious banter was often met with quips of his own, but you couldn’t tell if he was being receptive, or if this was simply Deadly being Deadly, who always had a wisecrack to offer. Tonight had been no different… well, save for one thing. He’d been the one to call a cab after making a joke about your inebriated state.

_“You must be blind drunk if you’re trying that on me, dear.”_

And then, in an unexpected act of generosity, had walked you out of the bar to accompany you home to make sure you made it there, safely.

The cab finally pulled up to the curb. There hadn’t been much walking up until this point, but you’d made it your mission to stick as closely to Uncle Deadly as you possibly could, sneakily cosying up to him in the ride. As if he wouldn’t notice. Before you could even open your mouth, Deadly was pulling out a credit card so he could pay for the fare.

 “It’s fine. You can pay me back tomorrow.”

 You were too tired to protest. _You craved sleep…_

Uncle Deadly gave a slight grunt of exertion as you both hopped out the car. As you fumbled on shaky legs, he clenched your arm hard enough that his claws briefly dug into your skin through the material of your sweater, not wanting you to fall. “Careful. This way. Mind out for the step.” You knew he’d had a few martinis throughout the evening, and yet his pacing was careful, calculated, as if he already knew the building despite never having invited anyone from work to your place before. He didn’t have to ask for directions, or what your apartment number was, and _you_ couldn’t even remember the layout of the rooms half the time.

“It’s dark…” You mumbled. “I think there’s a… switch here.” You searched your hazy memories, remembering that there was a light switch on the wall of the small entranceway to your apartment. You had reached the correct floor… or at least, you thought so? You could have sworn there were three flights of stairs to take but Deadly had only made his way up one.

“Don’t fret, I have excellent night vision.” He responded, and you looked up to see that his green pupils were glowing in the din, luminescent and catlike. You then thought about a picture of a cat you saw on the internet with eyes like that and started to giggle.  You’d been doing that a lot, on and off throughout the party, so Deadly didn’t think to question why that statement was funny. “You’ll want to take your jacket off.” He said, leading you through a doorway and finally letting go when he’d made sure you were stable enough to support yourself.

Although dark, you could see the silhouette of a couch, and you immediately collapsed on to it, thankful to be able to rest your tired feet, taking the time to slip off your shoes. You let out a long, heavy breath, and felt yourself slipping into a sleepy state again… Only to hear your name being called in a gentle sing-song tone. “Don’t fall asleep here, come on. Coat off, and off to bed."

You groaned in protest, letting out a sleepy breath through your nose, but you obliged, and unbuttoned your coat, peeling it off best you could whilst still sat down. He took jacket and shoes, opening up a coat closet and-

… **Wait.**

Did your apartment _have_ a coat closet? Well, there was still a lot about this new life you’d had yet to discover, you supposed, maybe you’d never noticed it before. You felt a leathery hand take yours, and Deadly placed another on your waist.  He lifted you back on your feet, and you noticed that he’d taken his own jacket off, revealing a blue waistcoat and white dress shirt; there were small tears in the sleeves where some of his sharpened scales had ripped at the fabric.

This little detail made you giggle again.

“This way, dear, we’re almost there.” Deadly led you through, and you felt plush carpet under your feet once you’d made your way through the door at the end of the hall. A few steps more, and your knee nudged into the edge of a bed. At last! You flopped on to it, face first, and inhaled a relaxed sigh, taking in the scent of clean sheets and floral fabric softener. Then, you turned over, and brushed the hair out of your eyes as you caught Deadly watching you, unblinkingly.

“Thanks for helping me home, Deadly.” You finally said, a drowsy sigh escaping your lips as you rested your head on a pillow.

There was moment where you caught him giving you a once over. He finally blinked, and cocked his head to one side, curiously.  “This is my apartment.” He replied. “You were too out of it to remember your address so I had the cab bring us here.”

“... Oh.” Even with the alcohol dulling your senses, you felt a twinge of embarrassment that you could have missed something so blatant; at least the odd layout of the rooms finally made sense. “So... this is... your room?”

“No, one of the guest rooms.” Deadly switched on a bedside lamp, and waved a hand, inviting you to take in the surroundings. “You might have some idea as to who usually uses this room if you take a look.”

Once your eyes adjusted to the sudden brightness, it didn’t take long for you to guess; even if you hadn’t noticed the portrait of her hanging over the bed frame, the place looked far too much like Piggy’s dressing room at the studio to mistake it for anyone else's. She’d left her mark. And Deadly left it tidy for the next time she would need it. “Don’t tell her I let you in here.” He said with a warning tone. “It was the only guest room that was in an acceptable condition considering the circumstances. You’ll forgive me if I insist that you do not touch anything. She is considerably private about this room, despite the fact that it’s under _my_ roof… She will _know_ if someone has touched her things.”

He sounded a tad resentful; _did he know this from personal experience_?

“Yes, of course!” You said at once, anxious now that you’d been far too familiar with the cushy bed and its eloquent throw pillows in the moments when you hadn’t realized where you were. Still, you smiled a little; he’d allowed you access to what was probably quite a private place. A starlet like Miss Piggy kept her things here, slept here if she didn’t feel like trekking back to her own studio apartment. Not everyone would be able to say they’d stayed in this room.

“However... I say that, and yet,” Deadly stepped away, his dragon tail swishing slightly as he moved to a chest of drawers and pulled them open. “You’ll need something to change into. Here, this should suffice.” Out came a pair of dark pink pajamas, made of reflective satin that shone under the soft glow of the table lamp.

“Thank you!” You blurted out, sitting up and taking them from him. The soft silken material brushed against your fingers; what he'd given to you might be the most expensive thing you'd ever wear on your body. Now you were being invited to change into _her_ clothes in _her_ room, in the home of her beloved wardrobe supervisor? You felt… oddly special.

“Mmyes, lovely, aren’t they? Neiman Marcus. Some of the finest nightwear money can buy.” Obviously, he’d noticed your expression of awe, and took this as an opportunity to brag. “They should fit you. I’d be shocked if they didn’t.”

You gave a nervous half smile, deciding against laughing along at his dig, sitting up so you could begin getting changed. Your shirt stuck to your sweater as you lifted it up, and revealed far more than you’d intended. Noticing this, Deadly quickly turned away to give you some privacy, and cleared his throat. “Ah! I’ll… leave you to it, then. Excuse me.”

Oh… _was he embarrassed?_

You wanted to flirt again, especially after what you’d let him see just now, emboldened by his obvious fluster.

“Deadly… hey, could you help me out of these clothes?” You teased, pulling the layers back down over your chest. “I’m practically too tipsy to move.”

“My word,” He said, still not looking your way. “This room must be getting to you; you sound so much like her already.”

**_… Wait, what?_ **

You froze, and questionable thoughts entered your mind as to the nature of his and Piggy’s relationship. You knew they were close, but not THAT close. An unexpected twinge of jealousy hit you, but not long after, you inwardly chided yourself. That wasn’t what he’d meant. When you worked as closely with Piggy as Deadly did, undressing her would have become habitual; he was the one who got her fitted for every outfit she wore, after all. And Piggy, especially a _drunk_ Miss Piggy, would likely demand she not have to lift a finger, forgetting any sense of embarrassment she might have of Deadly seeing her naked. It was the opposite of sexy, honestly. Quite comical, in fact. It took everything in you not to start snickering at the image, alone. _Besides, she had that thing with Kermit, right?_ That frog was a glutton for punishment, but it wasn’t like you could judge him too harshly; just look at the sort of man you were interested in.

“Well…” You said coyly, trying to forego any thoughts of Miss Piggy’s sex life from your mind. “Um… I think me and her would want a different end result.”

“Oh?”

Your stomach clenched in nervous excitement. “Well… as in. I’d not be the only one getting undressed, if you catch my meaning.” You bit your bottom lip, smirking slightly. _You sounded so cheesy-!_

“Alright… that’s enough jokes for tonight, I think.” Deadly said, simply.

Your smirk vanished. Oh. _This again_ … Did he really not see that your attempts were serious? Did that smirk you gave seem mocking? Or was he the mocking one, finding your advances funny? Did your flirting seem desperate, like you were trying too hard?  “No!” You responded quickly, worried you may have betrayed your slight hurt at his rejection in your tone of voice. “I’m not making jokes! I’m… trying to _flirt_ with you!”

And then he said something that really threw you for a loop.

“Why?”

After a few moments of gaping at him, you simply went with the truth. “ _Why?_ Well… because… you’re… attractive? You’re my _type?_ ”

“… Am I really?” His tone was still completely passive, but he'd paused for a bit before speaking again. Deadly turned to look at you, staring with those intense glowing eyes of his; he needed to know that your advances weren’t just in jest, and that it wasn’t acceptable to humour you so that he could laugh behind your back, if that was his intent.

“Yeah! … I like older men.”

“How dare you!” He scoffed.

“And men who dress well, and have expensive tastes and… and just, face it Deadly, you have all the makings a sugar daddy.” And that, _that_ was your type, as embarrassing as it was to admit even to yourself. You liked them mature, bordering on that taboo of being the same age, if not _older_ , than your _own_ father was.

“Oh? So _that’s_ what you’re getting at, is it?” In a few steps, he was sat on a small chair near the bed, leaning forward with steepled fingers. “My, I didn’t take you for _that_ type.”

It took you a few moments to process this statement, but then you backpedaled, shaking your head vigorously. “Wait. Oh, my god! No! No, no, no! I’m not… I mean… okay, I _was_ kidding just then, I really don’t care if you have money or not!” _That was a dirty lie_ , you were as materialistic as all-get-out, but, as fun of a fantasy as it was to have an older man buying you lavish presents, you were not the type to get romantically involved with someone _just_ to have first-hand access to their bank account. That was more of a… happy little bonus if it ever came to that. Deadly would have appealed to you even without a fat wallet and a platinum credit card. “Listen, what I’m trying to say is… I _like you_... I’m _attracted_ to you. I have been from the moment I first saw you. Even before I knew who you were!”

The corner of his mouth curled, brow raised; he was clearly surprised by that claim. “That’s… definitely not something I hear every day.”

 _Was he joking?_

“You know...” He interjected, before you could start up again. “The Muppets have always been the very open minded sort. They’ve invited people from all walks of life into their community with open arms. The weirder the better, in fact.” Deadly gave a small, short laugh that sounded almost like a hum. “Outside the office, however, by those who don’t know me personally, I’m given quite the wide berth. And then, eventually, I just came to accept that no amount of well-tailored suits or appreciation of high art could mask my... frankly monstrous appearance. I sort of… took to it, in a way. The creeping, unsettling Uncle Deadly, who skulks the halls and banishes anyone who sets foot in his domain with threats of impending doom… It was easier to cope with being feared when it was your _intention_ to scare them silly, you see.”

“Deadly, I’m…" You felt a lump in your throat. "I’m sorry, I...”

Sitting back in the chair, he shrugged. “I do not say this to gain your pity, dear. Just to give context as to why I found it so... hard to grasp your advances towards me.”

You gawked at him… it was unfathomable! **_He was such a catch_ _!_ ** Well spoken, marvelously talented, always well dressed, clean cut, and his _voice…_ there was just such a stage presence to Deadly that had enraptured you from the get-go, and frankly, his monstrousness hadn’t been a deterrent. _It had been one of the aspects that drew you to him!_ You’d always liked them a little... _feral_ if you were honest with yourself. Men with sharp teeth and long claws were also what tickled your fancy, as well as being slightly older. The very idea that people from all over didn't share your tastes shouldn't have surprised you as much as it did, but you’re struck by such _fury_ on his behalf, of the idea that _anyone_ would judge Deadly or find him to be repugnant before even getting to _know_ him that you couldn't help but indignantly speak your mind. “Well, I can tell you! On my first _day_ , when I saw you getting coffee in the break room with Piggy, I was so just… _captivated!_ I thought you were gorgeous… and dapper as _hell!"_

You remembered it, vividly, despite your inebriated state, how you'd taken your eyes off the person giving you the tour around the studio so you could get to know your work space. All background noise seemed to fade into a mix of unintelligible sounds as you caught his eye from across the room, like the two of you were in some kind of Hollywood movie. Or at least... that's how it had felt for you at the time, you could barely stammer out two words afterwards and hid behind your hair.  _It now occurred to you that he might have thought you'd been afraid of him._

Anytime after that was short, but when he would at the buffet table to fetch Piggy a coffee or one of her numerous midday snacks, you'd try and find a reason to speak up. Even if it was just an exchange of good mornings, or listening to him talk about his day for the brief couple of minutes he was allowed...

( _"Sorry to hear your day's been rough, Deadly."_ )  
  
( _"Your suit looks nice today, b-but you always look handsome. Uh-- I mean, good. Yeah. Very clean cut! Heh...")_

( _"Man, I could listen to you talk all day... uh. Since you're a thespian! You ever done Shakespeare?"_ )

"Man, I wanted to get to know you better so badly...” You blinked, realizing you’d just admitted something quite embarrassing, sounding like some smitten school girl with a crush on her teacher. A hand went to your mouth, and you gulped, ears burning underneath your hair. “You... really don’t get people flirting with you all the time?”

For the first time this evening and since the day you first met him, Uncle Deadly gave you a _genuine_ smile; it was softer than you pictured it to be. His eyes seemed to twinkle, his draconian snout twitching at the end. “Your incredulous tone is so flattering. I didn’t expect you to have a speech prepared.” You could hear the humour in his voice, and you suddenly remembered that he was tipsy, too. Both of you had drunk too much, and were talking about things you would never have dreamt of in the world of sobriety and professional distance.

“I… I talk a lot when I’m drunk, I’m sorry.”

You felt him place a hand over yours, tentatively. “My dear, It’s a welcome change. We never really got to speak much, did we? I’ve... wanted to get to know you better for quite some time, too, if I’m being perfectly honest.” 

"Really?" Your heart skips a beat. However, any words you had been about to say were lost, as he reached with a clawed finger, and used it to tilt up your chin. He leant in, and pressed a soft peck to the corner of your mouth, exhaling softly as the hand trailed across your face and to your shoulder. You smelt the olives and liquor on his breath, but it wasn’t unpleasant. You shivered as you felt his beard tickle your face, and had to bite your lip to prevent yourself from laughing, because now was not the time to be doing that. Moving on to the bed, he seated himself next to you, and buried his nose into the crook of your neck. His cologne rubbed off on to your skin as you felt him brushing the back of your hand with a thumb, softly.

… It was an unfortunate reality that he didn’t have the type of face that made kissing an easy task, but you tried, pressing your lips to the tip of his snout, feeling the tip of his tongue poke out and brush your bottom lip. You let out a gentle sigh, and he pulled back a little bit, brushing some hair out of your eyes. Until today, you’d not had any physical contact with him. But now, here he was, caressing you and nuzzling you with such familiarity and tenderness... Seemed Uncle Deadly was an affectionate drunk.

“I guess I’m the type to be easily swayed by sweet talk,” He said, almost sounding surprised at himself for taking the initiative like this.

“Well, I’m glad it worked, I thought I sounded like a dork…”

“You did.”

“Oh.” You glanced away, abashedly, giving a nervous grin. More kisses were pressed to your neck in the meantime, and you couldn’t help the breathy laughter that escaped your lips, mixed in with Deadly’s own low chuckle.

“Wait… wait, I-I’m ticklish!” You squeaked. 

“ _Adorable_ …” Deadly whispered, faintly.

“What?!” That hadn’t been your intended goal! You wanted to be enticing, not cute! Still… something must have worked, because of what he said next. Pulling away, his hands rested on your stomach, tugging at the fabric of your sweater.

“Let’s get you out of those clothes, then.”

You stared... gulped… and then gave a little nod.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... I was going to post all of the smut stuff all in one go, but this ended up being MUCH longer than I first intended, and I'd already kept you guys waiting long enough. Here's a small taste of what's to come. Don't worry- next chapter, we'll be getting right into the action, I promise!

Carefully, Deadly pulled at your sweater, peeling it off slowly, with surgical precision, adjusting your hair so that he wasn’t pulling at any strays whilst getting it up over your head... only to carelessly toss it to the floor a moment later, tutting. “Darling, please… let me design a new outfit for you! You always look so drab in these oversized sweaters you insist on coating yourself in.”

“You always know just what to say.” You bit back, making it obvious you didn’t appreciate his offer. “ _Pick that up_. That’s my favourite sweater.”

“I’ll buy you a much nicer one. A few, in fact, there’s a particular line from Gucci that came out recently and it would most definitely suit you.”

“I...” You spluttered. “Y-You don’t have to buy me anything!” How dare he! Trying to write off his snarky comments with promises of lavish gifts! He wasn’t going to win this. _You wouldn’t allow it! But, you really wished that you hadn’t admitted to wanting a sugar daddy…  
_

“Yes I do, I have to. It’s an emergency situation at this point- _eyes off the sweater, dear_ , you’re not getting that thrift store rubbish back if I can help it, allowing you to enter my home wearing that was punishment enough.”

“Oh, my god.” You sighed, exasperatedly. Why did you like this guy so much, **_he was so_** -! 

“It doesn’t compliment your figure, either.” He admitted, after a few moments. “You hide your wondrous curves away and does you such a disservice.”

Oh, so now _he was back to complimenting you again_? You weren’t taking the bait. “My figure? Please. I’d _rather_ hide it, thanks. Especially these…” You waved your hands near your chest. Normally, you wore bras that minimized the appearance of your bust, and baggy clothes to help that along. You hated them, sometimes. They caused all sorts of discomfort.

All of a sudden, you felt Deadly reaching in to cup them through your shirt. “They’re _lovely_.” He insisted, almost **_growled_** , in fact, caressing your nipple through the layers, eliciting a slight hiss from your lips. “I had no idea you were quite this buxom, and _that_ is _my_ type, you know.”

“O-oh, really? ” You uttered, voice cracking a bit. His roughly textured hands felt strange against an area that was so sensitive, but it wasn’t unpleasant, just slightly sudden. It was already sending a buzz through you, and you felt your sex begin react in kind. "D-Deadly..."

“Mmyes?” He questioned softly, continuing to feel you up with unrestrained vigor. _He’d sure changed his tune quickly_. Earlier he couldn’t believe you were attracted to him, trying to write off your advances as a joke, and now he couldn’t get his hands on you sooner, if the way he was pushing up at the fabric of your shirt was anything to go by. “If I’m moving along too fast, well… I’m sorry, but it’s been such a _long_ time… And you’re handing me this opportunity on a silver platter, do you expect me to object? To _wait?_ Please! I am but a man, after all, one who’s had a few martinis and a hard week at work… Are we doing this?”

You chuckled, breathlessly. “I guess so!” You'd seriously not expected it to go in this direction already. _And so soon!_

In spite of his slightly commanding tone, he clearly hesitated. “… Listen, my libido aside, if you’re not completely sure… do let me know, as I--” Deadly paused, watching with a raised brow as you removed your bra from underneath your tank top, slipping it out the sleeve, on to the floor alongside your poor sweater. “Ah... Hm. That was… You know, it… it just occurred to me, we’re in Piggy’s room, aren’t we?”

_Did he just stutter?_

You grinned, toothily. You realized that he was aroused by the way that his tail was moving from side to side on the surface of the sheets, his mind clearly running a mile a minute if the rapid movement was anything to go by. It made you think of an excited pup and that was strangely endearing. It made you realize that he wanted you **_badly_** , that you were enticing and _flustering_ him… talk about a real confidence boost. 

“Oh, yeah.” You said, chuckling. “Oh… do you… do _you_ not want to--?” You asked, despite knowing full well that he definitely did. Combing a bit of hair behind your ear, you blinked, making sure your mascara coated lashes fluttered. 

“No, I _definitely_ do!” Deadly suddenly exclaimed, pausing for a few seconds after he realized how overly keen he must sounded. After a clear of the throat, he lowered his voice an octave and continued, trying to keep up that suave demeanor of his. “Just… not in _here_. A change of scenery is in order.” In a flash, he was on his feet, picking you up again, only this time you weren’t touching the ground. Deadly was stronger than he looked, and it caught you off guard being lifted so quickly when you were both still tipsy. Deadly almost didn’t seem prepared, either, staggering a little bit, but then shaking off the haze as quickly as it had come, determined not to send the pair of you tumbling to the ground. “Let’s go to _my_ room. I do not think I could _bear_ having that portrait watching us the entire time.”

It was a short trip; his bedroom was on the same floor yours was, across the hall and down one door. It was pitch black, so you couldn’t make much out, blinking hard in an attempt to get used to the lack of light. However, this wasn’t an issue for long; you heard the click of a switch. Wondering how this had come about, you soon realized he’d used the tip of his long tail, aiming behind him. The ceiling lamp came on, blindingly bright, only to dim down as he turned the knob with a skilful flick. It set the mood, whilst keeping everything viewable for you at the same time.

He seemed to favour winter colours as everything, except the cream carpet was a shade of slate blue, silver or off white. His grey bed covers were very plush, and you heard a puff of air escape from the duvet as he let you down on to it. You stretched your arms up over your head, taking a second or two to relax and make yourself comfortable; you weren’t as drowsy as you had been previously because you’d had a rush of adrenaline in the minutes leading up to this one.

_You were still quite drunk, though.  
_

His desk caught your eye. Deadly had sat himself down next to you, reaching out a hand towards your face… but were already off the bed after only a few moments of being on it, curious to see it up close. You heard him say your name, questioningly, but you almost didn’t register it, fascinated by the display, its bright colours being a massive contrast to the rest of monotone décor. Light clutter peppered its surface; there were albums filled with photos, mock-ups, and concept sketches of outfits. There were boxes of sewing equipment and fabrics, and some half finished samples sat in the middle, threads still connected to a sewing machine as Deadly had left right in the middle of his work. Sticky notes coated the wall above the desk, which housed a corkboard, covered in photos of many different outfits and fashion articles Deadly had clipped from magazines or newspapers. These must have been what he used as his inspiration, what he worked off of, making sure to keep on top of what trends were currently in fashion so he could incorporate them into his own work.

Right in the middle of the board was a photo of him and Piggy at an event of some sort. She was dressed in a black sequin gown, golden curls up in a bun, diamonds decorating her neck and dainty fingers. Their arms were linked… Deadly almost looked as though he shouldn’t be there, but the smile on his face, albeit slightly nervous, was genuine, and it was clear Piggy had insisted he also be in the shot, a privilege not a lot of people were awarded by her.

 _“Who am I wearing? Well, he’s here right now! Uncle by Deadly!”_ You could almost hear her say, and the idea alone made you smile. It was clear who acted as his muse, most of all.

Deadly broke the silence, almost making you jump. “I really ought to tidy all that away, I finally have a room I use specifically for making clothes now, that was more of a temporary set up.”

“Can I have a look?” Your interest was piqued, almost forgetting completely the reason why you’d been carried in here in the first place.

“Oh, if you’d like, but a lot of them never got made. I can barely look through some of these albums sometimes, I’m never one to look back at my old work. Fashion is always changing, dear, and when something’s out of fashion it’s quick to leap out at you, even if you aren’t an expert in the field.”

You didn’t share his sentiments; _maybe you just were as inept at keeping up with fashion as Deadly seemed to think…_ Opening the nearest album on the stack revealed pages of beautifully coloured pieces. Some were created in watercolour, sketched with graphite or some even in charcoal. Not only was he a talented actor, and tailor, but he could _draw and paint, too_ … What talent. _What vision…!_ A real renaissance man if you’d ever seen one. “ _Wow_!” You whispered softly, turning the pages as gently as you could as not to crinkle them. “Deadly, these are gorgeous…!” You caught his eye. “Honestly! You… you make such wonderful outfits for Piggy but, you could sell this stuff, make your own brand and everything!”

“Hm… well. Thank you. But, I’m happy where I am now, I think. At heart… I am a Muppet, I don’t feel quite at home anywhere else.”

You understood where he was coming from; if he was to be believed, The Muppets was one of the only places he felt he fit in, _that he could ever fit in_ and although you’d not been with this tightly knit family for long, it would feel like there was a piece missing should he move on to bigger and better things. You shivered all of a sudden; you’d not noticed the open window, but the chill that drifted through the room made goose pimples rise up your arms. You felt a pair of arms loop around your waist, and Deadly resting his head on your shoulder, looking down at the book you held in your hand.

“Cold?”

“Yeah, a little.” You replied, appreciating the gesture. Gently, you nestled your head into the crook of his neck, allowing yourself a moment of intimate, affectionate contact with him.

“Oh, not these old things…” He grumbled as he leant in to peek at the page you’d turned to. “Cheetah spots, and zebra stripes clash horribly, what _was_ I thinking?”

“I like them!” You insisted, a little huffily. “Not that what I say means all that much, I obviously can’t dress myself according to you.”

“Hmm… I would much prefer you undressed, yes.”

You were about to speak, caught off guard by his little quip but felt your voice catch in your throat. Deadly cupped your breasts again, kneading, _squeezing_ them through your top. You noticed he seemed to favour them, as he’d groped them a considerable amount this evening… _not that you minded…_ But the way he kept up casual conversation whilst caressing your nipples in slow circles was exasperating. Your mind was growing fuzzy. “Often I am right on the mark when it comes to these things, but, from time to time I try experimenting and it goes horribly wrong. Oh well, I suppose one can’t get it right every time, can they?”

“ _Oh, god_ …” You let out a soft moan, shutting your eyes and placing the book down on the desk before it slipped from your fingers.

“Hm?” Deadly perked up, kissing the shell of your ear, his mouth remaining there as he coyly whispered. “Something the matter?”

_As if he didn’t already know…_

“Come to bed.” He breathed. “We can look at my work later, there are other matters we should see to first.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IT'S HAPPENING, FOLKS. Sorry about the delay. This would likely have taken longer if I'd not just decided "fuck it, I'm almost done anyway let's just get this out the way". And what do you know? Spent an entire three hour period just getting the finishing touches done and voila. 
> 
> Enjoy some good ol' fashioned smut, everyone.

Five minutes later, Deadly’s head was between your legs as you laid on his pristine bedcovers. His tongue was long, pointed at the end and could reach in and perform the type of oral you would likely never experience in quite the same way from anyone else.

“ _Fuck_ ,”

You gasped, clenching a balled fist into the bed sheets, quaking and convulsing as he dug his nails into your thighs. “ _Oh, fuck_ -!”

Opening your eyes, you gazed up at the ceiling, focusing on the sensation of his skin brushing against your thighs and how soft his face was compared to the rough scales of his neck. His beard brushed against your sensitive flesh, making a creeping tingle work its way up your spine with his careful movements. Deadly hadn’t stripped off yet, but had pulled off your jeans and underwear and made quick work of situating himself at the foot of the bed to get right down to business. _What a gentleman._ You looked up, catching his intense expression and exhaling a rapid, breathless exclamation before letting your head fall on to the bed again.

A deep, rumbling sigh escaped him. “Don’t stop talking, that’s delectable.” Pressing soft kisses to your inner thighs, his words were punctuated by the sound of smacking lips. “That’s delicious…” His well lubricated tongue stroked your clit, and your legs rose, your feet slipping along the sheets, back arching as you let out an unrestrained gasping yell. The heat in your face felt intense, and strands of hair begin to stick to your forehead as you perspired. You peeked out between your fingers, unable to bring a hand away from your face and drink in what was being done to you. _It almost felt too filthy to watch for longer than a few seconds…_

The mattress creaked. Deadly sat up, undoing his belt, not taking his eyes off you. “You are a _vision_.” He said, the metal buckle rattling as he slipped it off. “I must **_have_** you, right now, right here, like this.” His tail thrashed, excitement spilling out through his body language and how he stared. The way he spoke to you… so completely _enraptured_ , like you were a work of art. Really… he was absolutely spoiling you.

You giggled, feeling elation from the mix of alcohol and arousal, still coming down from that high from confessing your feelings to the person you’d admired from a distance for so long. “Are you gonna fuck me?”

“To put it in crude terms…” He said, unzipping his fly, and pushing down the waistband of his boxers. “Yes. I am…”

Your eyes raked over his length, the shape, the way it formed into a thin point at the end, pre cum dripping out the tip. It was smooth and the same blueish shade as the skin on his face. Scales coated it too, flexing against the sheath as it twitched.

… You couldn’t resist touching it, just to see what it felt like between your fingers; the scales weren’t roughly textured like his hands, they were soft to the touch, and reminded you almost of flower petals, delicate flaps of skin that tickled your fingertips. Deadly moaned as you brushed lightly against them, so, you decided to indulge him, giving his cock a gentle squeeze, eliciting a breathy grunt. “ _Oh..._ _it’s been far too long_ …”

Too long… _Did he just mean with another person? Was he the type to masturbate often,_ you wondered? The thought of him pleasuring himself made you swallow a lump in your throat. _You hoped in future, he thinks of this evening, the two of you, him on top of you, you, you **, you…** _

Rising up, you crawled up the bed, situating yourself between his legs as you continued to fondle him, licking your lips and steadying your breathing as best you could. He breathed out your name, trying to get your attention. “Oh… _Sweetheart_ … I was planning on ravishing _you…”_

“You have! It’s your turn…” You leant in, coyly gazing up as you slowly traced your tongue up the side of his cock, which elicited a muffled, shuddering moan as he covered his mouth with a hand, trying to restrain any vulgar sounds that might have escaped if he’d not covered up in time. Then, deciding to be daring, you parted your lips and slid your mouth down on to it.

“Oh, good _lord_ …” Claws were suddenly gripping at your hair, not all that painfully, but the way he impulsively tugged with his large fingers sent a spike of arousal through you. Deadly craned his head back, mouth remaining open as his tongue protruded out; it was much longer than you’d anticipated it to be. You moved slowly, carefully, the small petal scales brushing over your tongue, gently, ever so gently, and that in particular seemed to appeal to him if the long, low groan that you heard was anything to go by

 _Still… you’d never really done this before, and you worried your performance likely showed your ineptitude._ A little breathless, you released him, wiping the corner of your mouth as you attempted to gather yourself.

Before you could continue, he was lifting you to eye level and suddenly pressing his lips up to yours, much more furiously and passionately this time. Then, he thrust you away with a flourish, hands on your shoulders. “I will not have this.” With a light push, you were on your back once more, and this time, you couldn’t sit up because he had clambered up on top and pinned you to the bed. “You cheeky little devil, you almost made me lose myself just then. And as appealing as it would be to cum in your mouth, that would be quite the anti-climactic climax, wouldn’t you agree?”

“Uh.” You said, because your drunk brain couldn’t catch up with everything fast enough to equip you with anything else _to_ say.  

“I want to go all out with this performance… if you will allow it.”

You nodded.

“Lovely… I could take a bite out of you right now, you absolute dish…” His foppish flattery never failed to make you smile.

Deadly clambered off, reaching to a side table, taking care to apply the proper protection, something you’d almost forgotten about in the heat of the moment; thank goodness _someone_ was paying attention. You heard him squeeze a bottle of lube into to his hand, and felt him cupping your backside as he reached and traced the tip of a lubricated finger along your opening. Deadly stroked you in just the way he knew you enjoyed, applying the bottle's contents liberally. Heat pooled into your lower stomach, and once he deemed it safe, Deadly probed a finger inside, to see what response it would elicit.

It made you tense up, the ice cold feeling of the lube taking you out of the moment and making you hiss.

“Are you alright?” You heard him ask, immediately ceasing and looking at you, worriedly. 

“I’m sorry,” You gasped, biting down on your bottom lip, feeling shame hit you; your body wasn’t working in tandem with your brain, _you wanted it to happen but_... it was slightly painful, and that was making any penetration impossibly uncomfortable. “I… I just…”

“Shh, shush now, none of that, no apologies, my darling…” He began tracing soft circles into your skin of your inner thigh. “Don’t fret… we need to get you nice and wet, don’t we? Get you really relaxed…”

Your heart clenched at his kind reassurances, and it took everything in you not to tear up from relief at how considerate he was being.

“Spread your legs again, if you don’t mind… that’s it, wonderful, my sweet… dear Uncle Deadly will take good care of you…”

The praise, along with the slow, careful strokes were working extremely well, your arousal becoming potently obvious and dripping down your legs as you nosily gave your approval at his ministrations. Deadly tried his fingers once more, and it didn’t hurt as much now. It felt wonderful, in fact, and you craved more of it. Finally, your entire body relaxed, and the tension seeped away as you continued to make a mess of his expensive sheets.

“How does that feel?”

“Good…” You moaned, opening your eyes and looking at him pointedly. “I think… I-I think I can keep going.”

Deadly took a moment to wipe off the excess using a handkerchief he pulled out of a shirt pocket. “Wonderful…”

You felt him, him grinding up against you, seeking access, pushing in ever so slowly. It hurt as you stretched to accommodate him, but the pain of the sudden intrusion faded quickly into an extremely pleasurable sensation of feeling full to the brim with Deadly. When he started to move, making the bed creak and the headboard knock against the wall, you were lost to it. His shirt created friction against your chest, and you realized then you’d both foregone stripping completely. The look really suited him, though, the disheveled appearance of a man too preoccupied with bedding his lover to think of taking his shirt off, even if the pants were gone post-haste. You didn’t pay much attention to what was coming out of your mouth, but it was mostly a chain of repetitive affirmations, ( _“oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, Deadly! Deadly! **Oh!** ”_) weighed with laboured breathing. After a while, he began to move faster, with increased force, and it turned from slow, careful movements to uninhibited, impulsive thrusts. You could accommodate it though, which was surprising, because he was strong, and sizeable, and you were sure your hips may end up with bruises with how tightly he was gripping them. You grabbed the headboard with a hand, feeling claws scrape your skin, stinging, making you moan louder. You gritted your teeth, the back of your head digging into the pillow as you covered your mouth and nose, whimpering in your throat, your long keening cries muffled.

Suddenly, he was coming to a stop, to your audible protest. “I want to see your face.” He grunted. “Please… Allow me the privilege to see how you look as I’m fucking you.”

You want to look at him, too, how he panted, chest heaving, sweat coating his brow and neck due to not having removed his shirt yet, how the spines on his back jutted out, tearing through the white fabric, sharp teeth on display as he continued to let out open mouthed moans.

“Let me see you.” He repeated. “You’re absolutely gorgeous, I want to hear you, don’t hide away from me, dear…”

Your hands came away from your face, and you gave a tiny, abashed smile.

“That’s it…” He coaxed, grin spreading across his face. “ _Yes…”_

He looked so… feral… **_monstrous_** , and the sight left you more aroused than you recall being in your entire life. Deadly leant in, tongue poking out to lap at your mouth, extending and protruding inside your own as he kissed you, fervently, long enough that you could feel the tip at the back of your throat. After a few moments, he pulled back, a small trail of saliva dripping from your tongue as you tried to gain your bearings, because it was _overwhelming_ … Oh god, your head was spinning, but you couldn’t stop smiling, absolutely drunk on Deadly.

“Still with me?” He asked, almost a little tentatively. You nodded, still with your tongue out, practically panting like a dog. When you realized how you must have looked, you closed it, and grinned, letting out a small titter. Deadly simply gave you a smirk, pinching your cheek, a gesture that was equal parts condescending and encouraging. “Good. That’s just the face I wanted to see.”

You felt as if you should bite back with a remark of your own, but you couldn't think of anything to say, especially not when he was edging himself inside you again and pulling you on to his cock with a hard thrust that shook you to your core. The snarky retort you’d intended on was replaced with a loud “ _OH, fuck, Deadly!_ ” which likely left the man very satisfied with himself. You couldn’t find yourself caring about how smug he may or may not have been, because you didn’t think he was thinking too much about your supposed battle of wits, not when he could barely string two words together that weren’t some sort of low, growling praise of how you felt around him. (“ _Yes, yes, oh god, you feel absolutely divine…!_ ”).

Even in the bedroom, he was showy, talkative, taking that theatrical energy into everything he did, letting out small mirthful laughs every now and again from clear enjoyment of what you were allowing him the pleasure of doing to you. Deadly reacted well to your little affectionate gestures, the gentle kisses, the caresses on his face, looking into his eyes whilst he took time to get his breath back. It was a little while in that you realized that the grand finale was well on its way, after you’d clenched around him and seen stars flood your vision from a head spinning climax. You always felt yours were always quite underwhelming, as you weren’t the type to finish up in a long, loud scream or to seismically quake as pleasure wracked through you. Your orgasm was silent, and not easily noticed to the untrained eye.

Deadly was still going, although his pace had slowed; you didn’t want to take him out of the moment, and nor did you need to, really, but you couldn’t help but hope he’d finish soon before you began to suffer the effects of overstimulation. You closed your eyes, and cupped his cheek with a hand, smiling in a way that indicated you’d reached peak satisfaction. All of a sudden, you felt him freeze, grunting and curling in on himself. Deadly pressed his forehead to yours, letting out a long, drawn out breath, and you quickly gathered that he, too, had reached climax. There was a silence, save for you both breathing heavily, and the creak of bedsprings. Deadly held himself there for a brief time, and you could make out the slightly dazed look on his face, mirroring your own state.

Cautiously, carefully, with the same gentle grace he’d held when stripping you in the prior foreplay, Deadly pulled out, rising up and making sure to clean himself up before exiting the room wordlessly. It occurred to you how hot you were, and you unceremoniously pulled off your tank top, lying bare naked on his bedsheets without a care in the world. You felt damp, sticky, now relishing the feeling of the open window’s chilly breeze. He returned a little while later, seating himself next to you and just... watching you, silently.

“What?” You eventually asked.

“Just admiring the view.” He admitted, tilting his head to one side.

“Sorry about your sheets.” You said, as he removed his shirt and climbed next to you.

“Oh, pish posh, you’ve more than made up for what mess you may have left.”

The bed creaked as he adjusted himself, facing you and still watching you, avidly. You looked back, and blinked. Both of you seemed unsure what to do next. You felt his tail coiling around your leg, and you glanced downward. Deadly didn’t pull away, so taking that as an open invitation, you shuffled closer, and brushed your fingers over his chest, over the scales that you had fixated on so much this entire evening. You pat them down, and they flex back up in uneven motions, indicating that he had the ability to control their movement to an extent. You continued to touch him, working fingertips delicately over his skin, and he simply watched, fascinated by you in equal measure. Deadly didn’t touch you, just surveyed you, his eyes crinkling as he gave a small smile.

“You like my scales, then?”

You withdraw your hand, embarrassed, and he chuckled.

“… They’re lovely.” You whispered.

“Thank you.” He mumbled. “Do be careful, though, some of them are quite sharp.

"Mm... I will..." You started to say, before giving a yawn that you barely had time to cover up with your palm.

"Bedtime." He said, quietly.

A moment or two later, the two of you were under the covers, naked and slipping into a deep slumber, your head resting against his chest. Unbeknownst to you, Deadly woke up during the night once or twice, pulling you into an embrace so that he could hold you as close as he could.


	4. Epilogue

The weekend was over, and it was back to work first thing Monday morning. You’d groggily made your way out of bed, and on the commute to work, realizing with a slight pit in your stomach that your favourite sweater hadn’t been amongst your things when you’d gone to pick out an outfit for the day.

_Well, you certainly wouldn’t be getting that back._

You’d not stayed at Deadly’s long the morning after; it might have been Saturday, but he’d gotten a call from Piggy that had woken the pair of you up, and he’d told you with a heavy heart that he’d have to leave soon. There was no room for conversation of the previous evening, because it was already half past ten and Piggy wanted him there by eleven. He had invited you to shower in a free bathroom, to take any food from his fridge whilst he got ready in the mad dash to meet with the show’s beloved starlet, and then he had departed, saying goodbye and airing his grievances that he couldn’t stay longer.

You understood, you supposed, but sadness creeped into the back of your mind at the fact that your time spent with him had been cut so short. You’d wanted to… _talk_ about this. What this meant. _What happened next…?_

There’d been no intimacy that morning, either. Any words exchanged had been friendly at best. _A goodbye kiss might have been nice…_ You'd thought, somewhat resentfully. As you left his apartment that morning, hair damp, having found as many articles as you could, you'd felt strangely empty, worried now that what had happened last night had been a onetime thing that hadn’t meant as much to Deadly as he’d made it seem.

It was thoughts like these that permeated your head the entire ride down to the studio. The first words said to you that morning almost made you jump out of your skin.

“Someone sure is popular!” You heard Yolanda’s squeaky voice from down the hall, and had to refrain from wincing, you liked her well enough, but early in the morning, her voice often grated on your nerves.

“Who, me?” You ask with a raised eyebrow. _As if…_ You made your way to the buffet table and bit into an everything bagel right then and there, too hungry and out of sorts to cut it or toast it or anything.

“You’ll wanna check your desk.” She supplied, stirring her coffee with an amused lilt to her voice. “Now, don’t go thinkin’ I was bein’ nosy… it’s just kinda hard to miss.”

You squinted at your fluffy co-worker, and Yolanda simply motioned towards the direction of your office door. So you followed suit, and what met you almost made you drop the bagel that you held in your mouth to the floor.

_Gucci bags_ covered the surface of it, leaving no room for you to put down your work bag or your laptop or anything. Rushing to the nearest one, you plucked it up, tugging out a cashmere sweater, the paper folded around it giving a loud rustle as you stared at it, dumbstruck.

“Holy crap, isn’t that from the new Gucci line? I’d give my tail for one’a those sweaters, but they don’t come in my size.”

“Where’s Deadly?” You asked, looking over at Yolanda, who balked a little bit at your glare.  

“Uh… h-he should be in Piggy’s dressin’ room, right now, why’d you ask—?“ Before she could finish, you were off like a shot to give that man a piece of your mind.

* * *

“Mm, what do you think of purple, Deadly? You think the jacket would look good in purple?” Piggy asked her dresser, holding up the sketches of one of Deadly's newest concepts. 

“Purple might work.” Deadly remarked, “But you might want to—“ He wasn’t even half way done with his sentence before the door to Piggy’s dressing room opened, the sudden presence of the person entering the room enough to make the pair of them jump. 

“You heard of knocking?!” Miss Piggy snapped, not at all pleased to have her conversation interrupted by an _intern_ of all people.

“Hello, dear.” Deadly greeted warmly, not even the least bit phased by your sudden intrusion. “Having a pleasant morni—?“

“I said not to buy me gifts! What the heck is this?!” You demanded, holding up the Gucci sweater in front of his face.  

“Gifts?” Piggy perked up, snapping out of her state of confusion at your sudden, unforeseen familiarity and _bold anger_ with her personal dresser. “What’s this about gifts?”

It occurred to you that it probably wasn’t wise to speak about such things in front of Miss Piggy, as you weren’t sure now if he had ever planned on divulging anything pertaining to last Friday to anyone in the office... but Deadly simply ignored her question, focused entirely upon you. “You don’t like them?”

“No—it’s not—it’s not that, they’re lovely, I just…” Flustered, you blow some hair out of your face, your glare softening as he bridged the gap between himself and the door. “You didn’t have to… go to the trouble, they must have been so expensive, too!”  

“Deadly, why are you buying presents for the intern?” Piggy asked, sounding rather affronted at the fact she was being ignored.

“Oh, nothing that isn’t in my budget. A pittance, really.” He leant up against the doorframe, his back to the woman inside, who was gazing between the pair of you, aghast but also very curious to know what was going on.

“Look, that's not the point! You didn't have to do this...!  I would have been fine with, just…” You dropped your voice so that Piggy couldn’t make out your next words. “… _spending some more time with you_.”

The smile he gave you made your heart flutter, and you felt almost all of your anger melt away at his next words. “We can definitely do more of that, darling.” His tail was moving from side to side, not unlike the way it had when the two of you had been alone together last Friday. " Just… maybe not right now, I have other matters I need to address."

“Oh… I… I’m sorry, I—I’m sorry, Miss Piggy!” You called, ducking under Deadly's arm so you were in view. Your apologetic smile simply got a disgruntled eye roll in return. 

“So, the sweaters.” Deadly said, clasping his hands together in a finite sort of way. “You’ll be keeping them.”

“What?!" 

Deadly reached and patted your cheek. “You’re taking the first step to dressing fashionably, I’m so proud. You should look through each of them, I’m sure you’ll find all of them to your liking. And if not, I’m not giving you the receipts so you can return them.”

_Glad to see he was giving you so many choices in the matter._

Deadly gave you a small wave, indicating that it was time you be off, shutting the door as you turned away and headed back to your post. As you re-entered your office, you noticed a bag had fallen off the desk in your hasty retreat, and poking out of it was your favourite sweater, the one Deadly had deemed to be nothing but thrift store rubbish, folded up neatly inside. You sighed, giving a defeated smile as you shook your head. 

You’d make sure to be wearing that one the next time the two of you met up again.

* * *

"And what," Miss Piggy asked, clearly not at all amused by what had just occurred. "Was _that_ about?" 

"I wouldn't know, it wasn't the reaction I was expecting, to be honest." Deadly gave an amused chuckle, and Piggy's raised her eyebrows because the smile he had on his face was unlike anything she'd ever seen on him. The man seemed to be glowing, his ghastly features softer and gentler and his tone practically _chipper_. Piggy didn't know if she liked it or not. "They certainly are a funny one."

"Okay, this is a little weird. Why are you in such a good mood today? And, you know what, you were JUST like this on Saturday, too!" In fact, he'd been worse, humming and singing and working with an unprecedented enthusiasm the entire day, to the point that Piggy could barely keep up with him. He'd not been like this on Friday, at the party, _but the next day._.. "Oh my god," The pieces were fitting together, now, and a knowing smile stretched on to her face, already looking forward to hearing the gossip that he was inevitably about to spill. "Deadly... what _happened_ after you took them home?"

"Now, now, Piggy." He said, turning away from her as he flicked some dust off a coat that hung on a rack nearby. "I'm not one to kiss and tell."

 


End file.
